I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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