I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
