i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
