So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
