I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
