So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
