chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
