His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
