Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Randomize
