New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
