i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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