3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
