I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
