I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
