I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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