Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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