I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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