Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
