No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
