I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
