I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
