They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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