I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
