areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
