you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
