He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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