So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
