just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
