I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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