First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
