ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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