Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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