my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
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Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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