Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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