he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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