im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
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