I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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