just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
