there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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