***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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