I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
