i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize