I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
