Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
