I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
