I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
