I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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