He disabled his match.com account in front of me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
