The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
