jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
