have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
