I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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