I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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