I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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