It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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