just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My dick has a subreddit
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
