Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
