Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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