My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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