I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
