Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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