He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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