In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
