we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
