Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
