Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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