the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
