i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
