why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
sex in a hospital.. check
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
