she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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