White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
