thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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