how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
