remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
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I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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