I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
