Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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