your thong is hanging out like whoa
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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