he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
