soooo we both peed the bed last night...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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