I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
